opheliaswims

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Reading your Coffee Stain at HowToSplitAnAtom

I am listening to your voice; I can hear the story behind the story, the joy behind the pain. You have come so far, but it hasn’t been easy. Each step has cost you. You are less whole, you have left parts of yourself by the road; to be picked clean by the vultures that have hounded your every step. I listen to your story, and I can be an observer to some, and a participant to most. Your voice trails off, you wait for a nod or a sign of understanding; there is a still moment and in that space flows a silence that crashes and explodes, all in the flicker of an eye.

©Ophelia Chong / Dreaming of the Other

As I ride up the hill, one turn, two turns, one breath in one breath out, my mind wanders to where I am. At what point am I at in this life? Am I at the cusp or am I still climbing up? I turn around the mountain and push up another hill. I still have so much to do, so much left to see, to fall in love with the next place I will be . The next climb is steeper. I am pushing harder up the hill. I am not going to stop, one turn after another. I reach the top and I see the city below me. An ocean fog covers the city like a shroud, which will soon be shrugged off and replaced with unrelenting sunlight.

I ride down the hill at a break neck speed. Tomorrow I will climb that hill again and with determination I will reach the top. I live each day with the goal to reach the top, one turn at a time.

©Ophelia Chong / Dreaming of You

I look up at the Observatory, turn on the Shuffle and before I know it I am at the top; looking down on the waking city. My sense of accomplishment of reaching the top consistently since last week Wednesday is great. It has helped me set my goals and to reach them step by step at my own pace. Once you get that, you will be there before you know it.

1625 feet above sea level at the Observatory
2.6 miles up
2.6 back
5.2 miles total

30 minutes ride time.

There are nights where I will be in bed, curled up about to fall into that lovely abyss of sleep when I will get a panic attack. Not quite the full on panic attack, but the “oh lordy. What am I doing?”

I would lull myself back to sleep by going over at what I have done this year, and what I hope to be doing in the future. Then I go over in my head my bank accounts, then my SEP Ira and how it is tanking, but not too badly.

After a few deep breaths, I will then plan out the next day and set the alarm for 6:30am. Time to get up and get on the bike ride up the hill.

If I was to float above myself when I go through these attacks, I would see a wide-eyed face surrounded by pillows. Much like the arcade game where you have to pluck a stuffed toy out of a pile. That’s me. Ready to be plucked out of the pile and dropped into your candy coated sticky fingers.

Image: Shanghai / Ophelia Chong

I decided to not go to the gym and to ride my bike up to the Observatory.

This is a lesson in setting Goals:

• I was dying the first day
• by the 2nd i was a lot better
• by the 3rd it was great
• today it went by fast

Just like a new career path, its all little steps,all realistic goals. Don’t put a burden on yourself, make your goals easy to reach, each step goes to the big one.

Good Morning. The Sun has declared that he will only Labor after the noon bell. Los Feliz, CA 9-01-08

Good Morning. The sunlight slices through the shades in geometric shapes, cutting a Mondrian onto my wall. Los Feliz, CA

Good Morning. The sky is layered in hues of blue and white, it playfully mirrors the ocean’s waves. Los Feliz, CA 8-30-08

Good Night. Lines blur, voices mute, the colors darken; it is night and it waits for you to embrace it in your dreams. Los Feliz, CA

Good Morning. The sun takes aim at one leaf, and sets it’s glow on just the tip. Setting in motion a new cycle on a new day. Los Feliz, CA 8-29-08

Good Night. I pull myself into the dark velvet night and let the skies pull me up into a dream about you. Los Feliz, CA

Good Morning. The trees silhouette against the morning mist, they look like hulking fairy tale giants emerging from the abyss. Los Feliz, CA

Good Night. Wrap yourself in a blanket of night air, and lay your head on a pillow of stars. Los Feliz, CA

Good Morning. A gray shroud covers the city.Quick! Wake up and push it aside or it will take you to the other side. Los Feliz, CA

Good Night. The arc of white sits above a sparkling city, like a tiara on a beauty queen. She dances in the dark alone into our dreams. Los Feliz, CA

Good Night. As we enter the slipstream of swirling darkness and dreams, the world turns to bring the others into the light. Los Feliz, CA

Good Morning. The sun burst into the room like a bull in a china shop, he flashed his badge and rosted me from my flea infested motel bed.LF

Good Night. A red ball dipped below the horizion and rose over the other side as the scales dip to the weight of sleep. Los Feliz, CA

Good Morning. The wheels spun faster, racing with the sun the bike turned the corner as he hit her with the first brush of gold. Los Feliz

Good Night. The horizon is a thin strip of silver light that kisses the earth while she arcs her back to meet the stars. Los Feliz, CA

Good Morning. The sun crashed against the window and shattered into shards of gold onto my floor. Los Feliz,CA

Good Night. Early to bed, early to rise; the moon beckons as the sun waits. Los Feliz, CA

Good Morning. Rustling from behind the trees the sun wakes up with a snort and gets to work. Los Feliz, CA

Good Night. The waning moon has a few whispers of love to speak into your ear before you drift off to sleep. Los Feliz, CA

Good Morning. The world is spinning on it’s axis and it is our turn to have the sun, while the others sleep. Los Feliz, CA

Good Night. The moon says watch me jump up above the trees, come on outside. Los Feliz,CA

Good Morning. A bike ride through the morning fog up the hill before the Sun owns the road. Los Feliz, CA

Good Night. The arc of white sits above a sparkling city, like a tiara on a beauty queen. She dances in the dark alone into our dreams. Los Feliz, CA

Good Morning. My feet land on the sun drenched floor, one toe testing the tone of the day. The rest of me follows. Los Feliz, CA

Good Night. One arm bends, as the heart faces the sky. I close my eyes and lift off. Los Feliz, CA

Good Morning. Like cannon shots, the water flies up to catch the sunlight, arcs and drops onto the waiting blades of grass. Los Feliz, CA

Good Night. Ripples of laughter slide across the canyon and rise up to the stars. We sit and share this moment in Los Feliz, CA

Good Morning. The tip of my tongue licks the coffee off the rim of the cup, and after the last flick, the sun peeks out to say hello. LF, CA

Good Night. With one foot in front of the other, I shuffle off to the soothing inky darkness of my bedroom. Los Feliz, CA

Good Morning. Silence from all participants this morning. The sun and the clouds move in unison with minimal effort. Los Feliz,CA

Good Night. A long 14 hour work day. The moon tugs at my shirt and points to my bed. Los Feliz, CA

Good Night. Ignoring the eventually of night is akin to a temporary state of blindness. Los Feliz, CA

Good Morning. Nothing moves, the leaves are all still. Silent. The sunrise tiptoes quietly into the new day. Los Feliz, CA

Good Night. It’s a triple layer dessert sunset, blue to pink to orange. From tart to sweet with a mellow finish. Los Feliz, CA

Good Morning. A dragonfly lands outside my window, bright orange body with translucent gold wings.A bird notices and swoops by. Los Feliz CA

Like Edgar Allen Poe, there are some of us who would love to reach the living from the grave. In the days before the “internets”, you wrecked havoc through your Last Will and Testament or by leaving stuff in drawers, hidden and forgotten but sure to scar your loved ones for life when they rummage for gold coins. More>

I decided to put my gym membership on hiatus. I was down to once a week due to work, and I really wasn’t into it anymore. I hated the drive, and I hated the fight for a bike in the spin class. So I looked outside and realized I had the biggest gym right next to me, and it’s FREE!

Yesterday I pulled out the mountain bike, oiled it, pumped up the saggy tires and put on the helmet. I zoomed down the hill and entered the park. OH MY GOD! When did I get so out of shape? Hey, I have been Spinning for over 2 years now, and I can’t ride up a damn hill? Hell, I have been coasting in class. Now as I was gasping for breath, I had to stop. I rested and got back on. Then I had to rest again. I got halfway up and decided I needed to go home, I was feeling light headed and didn’t want to be run over or coyote bait.

This morning I got up 3/4 of the hill. Tomorrow hopefully all the way up to the Observatory.

Goals, if you set realistic goals for yourself, you can reach them. Don’t set goals that others can reach, set a goal that you can reach. And once you reach it, set another goal, higher. It’s all step by step. Or in my case one turn of the wheel at a time.