opheliaswims

Who doesn’t have at least one jerk circling them? I like observing how they impose themselves on the general public. It’s my version of the Discovery Channel… “Here we have a gaggle of Jerks drinking out of the community pond. They are pushing the other animals back, away from the water. I see the big one is sticking his foot into the water and washing. That’s not going to taste too good for the animals in the back….”

Life evens out the jerk sightings for me. Good happens. Today an arts magazine in New York asked for more images for the feature on me. Plus I just heard that I got the highest rating at a major head hunting group in New York. I love what I do, and I love who I work with. So all is good.

jerks need not apply.

One of my favorite books is Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert. Madame Bovary paid the ultimate price for her vanity and search for love. The story fascinates me. It it the head long rush into an abyss that could promise true love or tragedy. Madame Bovary gave her all to her lovers, they took and never gave back. I see this book as a caution to giving everything you have in hopes of a return. But taking a risk gives you the edge over the ones that never leave the gate. Love and comfort is not a given. Nor is anything else in life.

When you take that leap, if you look down, you have already lost.

Plot Summary for Madame Bovary

Make a wish.

I made mine. (the sound of a deep breath)

Tomorrow I will make it come true. And yours too.

I jumped a fence today. These last two weeks has been about jumping fences. Each one higher than the last. The fences have been there a long time. Some I built, some others. This is how its done. You close your eyes, take a deep breath. Then you open your eyes and fix your sights on the other side. Run, push up, and over. As you fly over the view is spectacular. The cool air rushes by you. You land on your feet. It gets easier, and each fence is just a moment in the past.

TV is on, the washer is on, my cell is powering up, I am on the computer. Last year we had a 14 hour black out. During the black out, I went outside the house and talked to my neighbrs. Mopped the floors. Meditated. Watched the sun set. Ate what was not in the fridge. It was 14 hours of wonderful moments. I remember my friends in New York in 2001, when they had a blackout. It was very close to the
9/11 tragedy. My friends told me it was a night to remember. They hung out on the roofs, sat on the sidewalks, walked around the city in darkness and silence. They talked to strangers, drank wine, and shared food.

Without power we become more powerful. We become human.

I have an Idea Blender. It has one speed; Extremely Fast. I put an idea in. Push Blend. And wait. I watch it spin, chop, splat against the glass, shake the counter, bump and grind. Once I am happy with the mix, I pour it out and serve. I am at my happiest when I get to use the Blender.

I am slowly crawling out from this pile of paper and 0001111000111s. I surround myself with flowers. I have orchids, roses and callalilies. I love having the beauty of color and the softness of the petals near me. It makes the weight of work less. My list of people to reply to, my list of letters, social engagements are like little stones that choke up the brook. I have to clear that dam. But first a hot bath with japanese bath salts and then to the pile of paper.

Okay, I have been going to this gym for over a year now. First I attracted the “I can spot the Aliens in the gym and do you know tantric yoga” guy, then the “hot knuckledragger” guy. Neither got further than the gym. The only one that is even interesting is in the same Spinning class as me. Tall and a bit gray. Really quiet. I have decided to take the iPod and gloves off and to go for it. Monday, I will actually smile and say hello. I have been under a pile of work, I need to get out more. Or else I might as well go live under a rock. Or worse yet, I will have to get a new animal outfit.

I love to dance. When I am alone, I put on my iPod and dance in the garden. It’s a sort of herky-jerky dance. Not something for public comsumption. Dancing frees me from the daily thoughts of constructive doings. One foot goes up, the other balances the hippy shake. The dogs look at me and wonder when I am going to give them a snack. As I prance around the roses, my minds wraps itself around the song. I am a big giant rabbit. (This is me as the giant invisible rabbit, shot on a timer)

Move forward. I can see down the road, past the first light, past the freeway sign, over the mountains. I am flying over the top, over the last of the snow. My feet touch the tops of the pines. I spin and dive into the lake. I feel the cold water flash across my face. I go down deeper, it’s dark and the mud is stirred up in my wake. I look up and break the surface. I am moving forward.